It’s a few minutes after 5 a.m.
I’ve been awake for about 30 minutes in the coziest bed, with the most amazing sheets.
A fan is blowing, Josh is beside me, the girls on an air mattress next to us.
Outside our third floor room are palm trees and hills, though at the moment it is still dark and I cannot see them.
It was warm and it was beautiful.
So, why am I awake at 5 a.m. on vacation? Because I woke up in a panic.
A guilt-ridden panic.
I have posted pictures on Instagram of our vacation, and I feel bad. I feel like maybe I should delete them.
This is the most amazing experience of my life. I am not taking a single second for granted, and I post pictures because this is our life right now and I am fully thankful and fully amazed I am living it.
But I know how I’ve felt seeing others experience something similar and whipe being happy for someone you can be sad for yourself, too, and I hate the thought of making anyone sad. So maybe pictures go to the blog now instead of to IG. I just don’t know what’s right.
Thus being awake ridiculously early with guilt-ridden panic.
Let me write about vacation.
My husband has worked literally hundreds of hours of overtime over the last few months. We did not see him much this summer. Work is busy.
I have confided in a few friends how hard summer is. I find myself loathing this hard-working man because I do not seem him. I do not see him because he’s up sometimes before 4 a.m. and there were the occasional nights he didn’t get home until 10 p.m.
He’s busting his ass to provide for me, it only makes sense for me to be bitter toward him. Insert all of the eye rolls.
I know, I suck.
So all these hours of vacation were made through all of these hours of hard work. I am only two days into vacation and I can say already – it was worth it.
This man of mine does not sit. Unless it’s for a Seawhawks game. Otherwise, always moving, always working. It was nice to get off the plane (!!!), quickly grab a rental car, and immediately head to the beach.
And then watch him sit.
It’s relaxing to watch your children splash around in the water and enjoy the heck out of themselves.
We have rented a room in someone’s apartment, through Airbnb. It’s definitely a different situation than had we gotten a hotel room (which I had booked in the beginning), but it was a few (four to be exact) hundred dollars less, with better amenities.
We have three different pool areas with a total of five pools, a bar/cafe, a gym, a running trail, and all within a safe gated community.
So far, we have only been to one pool area. And truly, this is where this vacation has been unreal.
We played in the pool for probably an hour or so yesterday morning, and then went to the beach.
We brought our wetsuits with us, and then rented boogies boards for a few hours.
We found a great coffee stand not too far from where we’re staying. Excellent customer service, and awesome coffee. And if you know me, you know this is a big deal. Sarah loves her coffee. Josh, after his first sip, “well, slap my grandma! This is some strong coffee!” I thought I was gonna die.
Oh, so this next picture won’t do it justice, but I need to share it anyway. The girls’ air mattress lost air the first night and we woke up to find them like this. I laughed so freaking hard. Sadly, the picture doesn’t show that the middle caved in, but let me tell you. It was hysterical.
So, that’s where we are right now. On vacation. And this, this is where I am right now. In this bed.
And a day to live up.
A day I will not feel guilty to be living.